At the beginning of family life, alongside infatuation, love and interest in one another, there is also respect: in the early days of love we admire certain qualities in the person we have chosen, we value their character, and we treat their work, interests and friends with respect. But why does this important element of a strong marriage disappear in so many families over time? People remain the same, with the same character and qualities, and their interests often stay with them for life — yet for some reason a husband stops noticing what once inspired his admiration, while a wife increasingly complains and takes little interest in his achievements at work. The reason is that spouses begin to take each other for granted; the earlier attentiveness fades, and respect gradually fades with it. This is one of the signs that a marriage is crumbling and needs to be rescued by restoring that former spirit of respect, which also brings back other warm emotions, revives affection, and helps preserve the relationship for many years. This is useful not only for married couples but also for those who have not yet found their other half, who are looking to meet for marriage and want to lay healthy foundations for their future family from the start.
Respect for your spouse does not mean blindly accepting their point of view, reshaping yourself to fit them, fulfilling every demand, or meeting every expectation. A happy union does not mean two people must be identical, do the same things, share all the same interests and hold identical views on life. Even people who are very similar in character, lifestyle and worldview will still differ in many areas: perhaps they prefer different ways to rest, or they simply have different tastes. It is not right to demand complete sameness from your spouse — you should give them the freedom to be themselves. People raised differently, especially from different cultures, may seem even less alike — yet it is often respect that turns international relationships into strong and healthy families. Respect is the ability to accept and value what another person does. In a strong and happy family, a wife may not fully understand her husband’s work, but she is proud of his achievements, sincerely praises his success and listens with interest; a husband may not understand what fascinates his wife about flower growing or knitting, or may disagree with her views on raising children, but he does not call her interests pointless, and he listens to her position and seeks compromise.
Respect does not mean avoiding arguments and conflict — only people with nothing in common and no real relationship can avoid them altogether (which may point to even deeper problems in marriage). Respect means the ability to understand and forgive one another, to know when to praise and when criticism is truly necessary. Above all, it means giving each other freedom: freedom to grow, to develop, and to rest. In addition, everyone needs something personal they can do on their own, while still receiving support from husband or wife. A spouse’s responsibility is to treat this desire with respect, provided, of course, that it does not undermine the foundations of a strong marriage, which our Christian dating site discusses in another article.